As my followers (who I am blessed to have) know, I have been noticeably absent from my blog and from Twitter since May of this year. Well, I'm back, and making a fresh start.
As we all do, I have some unresolved stuff from my childhood, and have been in therapy for about a year and a half, trying to reduce the impact that baggage has been increasingly having on my life. In truth, I started having some real anger issues after my Dad died; it will be 2 years this Christmas. In July, after being really stuck and not getting much out of my sessions, I came clean about being addicted to marijuana. I know one cannot really be physically addicted to marijuana, but I was seriously psychologically addicted. My day consisted of passing time between the times I could puff on my pipe and alter my consciousness. It was keeping me from really looking at my past and changing how it affects my life.
This is difficult to admit, even after reaching 90 days of being clean, because I don't want my readers to think ill of me. But I have to be honest, or I might as well stop writing all together.
The issues I'm dealing with are difficult; sexual and physical abuse, feelings of inferiority, having a dangerous, explosive temper--anger has always been my default emotion and a great way to keep people at arm's length. I almost lost my marriage and family because of all of this. Thankfully, I haven't, and I think I'm easier to live with these days. I'm not perfect, and I still have a long way to go, but I am on the right road and taking steps down it.
Why bare myself to my readers like this? Because I'm not alone, and maybe this will give someone else the courage and desire to change their life for the better. Because my sister never could face this garbage in her life, and is now addicted to things like Oxycontin, Valium, zanax, and is facing 13 felony counts with 7 having the modifier of being perpetrated on a juvenile. Because it can be better if fear doesn't drive your life.
If anyone who reads this wants to break an addiction or work on issues left from childhood, I am willing to give whatever help and support I can without risking my own recovery. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I promise I will respond.
If this helps just one person, the difficulty of writing this will have been worth it.
With love, gratitude, and a new lease on life, I am, and always will be Kate the Right